What's something surprising about you that people wouldn't believe if you told them as a working adult?
That's a tough one. I think people who know me seem shocked when I tell them that I'm still living with my parents.
Why is that?
It's definitely because of the job I do. Most people believe that I'm earning enough to live comfortably on my own. Add to that the fact that I'm in my late thirties—it's not what people expect.
Are they right to think that?
To an extent, yes. Truthfully, I can afford to rent a decent place in Lagos, in a good area too. But I haven't felt the need for it yet. My friends are concerned about my “freedom” and social life. I get their concerns, but I live moderately, so an active social life has never been my priority.
That said, I plan to be more deliberate about socialising next year. Maybe scheduling time to meet up with friends weekly will help.
What's keeping you from moving out?
Comfort, for one. I'm relatively comfortable. It's not perfect, but it's good enough for me. So I don't see a need to move out yet.
Relatively?
Yes. Some things might be deal-breakers for others, but I've adjusted. For instance, my family can be loud during the day, and since I work at night, they can disrupt my sleep.
There's also the usual parental tendency to be in your business more than you'd like it. Some people would consider that unbearable. For me, it's not beyond what And, of course, I contribute significantly to house expenses.
Is that an issue?
Not exactly. I'm responsible for sponsoring two of my siblings through school and supporting my parents financially, It's like I'll paying them monthly. And while I'd never speak badly about my family, it can be a lot.
But there's something I didn't pay attention to before that I realised might have contributed to me staying with my parents—I think it's actually helping me manage these responsibilities better.
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What do you mean?
So, this is it: if I lived alone, I'd have to pay for rent, service, food, and everything else, and on top of that still be supporting my family by doing all these responsibilities I currently do.
But by staying here, I let my parents handle the household logistics—like cooking, cleaning, groceries and the likes. I think it's a trade-off I don't mind. It might not make sense for everyone, but it works for me.
Has that arrangement impacted your work life?
Surprisingly, not much. We've established boundaries in the house. When I'm busy and let them know I can't be disturbed, they respect that to a large extent.
My work setup is in my room, so it's like I have my own little office space. The only downside is that some friends don't want to visit because I'm still at my parents' place. But honestly, that doesn't bother me.
Can you tell me more about your job?
I'm a software engineer. I work remotely for a US company, a role I started in 2020 during COVID. Before that, I had a hybrid job in Lagos—a four-days-on-site, one-day-remote kind of thing.
With your responsibilities, how do you make time for yourself?
It's not easy, but I try to stay sane. My job is demanding, but I still try to read, watch movies, or go for walks when I need to clear my head. Meanwhile, I'm recently taking up some side projects that I can use to distract myself.
Do you ever feel the pressure to move out or “do more” with your money?
Of course. Apart from societal expectations and peer pressure, I also think of being independent at some point. But I tell myself to just focus on what works best for me. For now, staying here helps me save and take care of the people who depend on me. Even if I move out, I'm still going to take care of them.
How long are you going to be there?
I don't know, but not indefinitely. Eventually, I will but it has to make financial and emotional sense. If I find a way to balance my responsibilities and gain more personal freedom, I'll consider it.
For people in similar situations, I'll just advise them to own their choices, but they should have a plan while they are still living with their parents. I sense that maybe when I'm ready to settle down, I'll move.
* - Not real name
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